Mom

     This past year has been very busy for me and consequently, I have not posted for a very long time. A year ago, my mother began to fail in her health. She lived nearby so I was able to help out. Things progressed from bad to worse until, in July of 2014, Mom passed out of this life into the next. Since Mom's passing, I have been trying to get her estate closed. My wife and sisters have been helpful, and I appreciate the lifted load. With my many hours of work for the past several months, progress has been slow, but now that the snow has flown and the cold bitten us here in Alberta, I now have more time to catch up on all the non eat/sleep/work things.
     My mother was a complex person who loved life and its adventures.

Age 19

Age 81

She fought cancer several times and won. She had both knees replaced and had bone strength problems. Six years ago, she fell in my garden and broke her neck - while no one was around. After praying for help from God, whom she knew well, she pulled herself up on my apple tree and walked out to her car. Sitting in the front seat of the car and supporting her broken neck with one hand, she flagged down a friend and he drove her to the hospital. She wore a halo for three months. The broken neck caused her to miss our family reunion that year, but once the ordeal was over, she re-certified her license and drove her car again. Ultimately, old age took her.
     In her life, she raised six children and after loosing my father to death, spent many happy years with a fine man (who even asked me for my mother's hand in marriage). Mom loved three main things: Serving others, doing family history / genealogical research and writing her life's history. When she was young, she won a singing contest (like American Idol) and got to make her own record as a prize. She enjoyed singing all of her life and inspired me to work at creating pleasant sounds too. Mom also loved to garden and when we lived on the lighthouse, she worked very hard to get our crops to grow and not drown from all our rainfall. (180 inches a year is a bit much for most plants) When I was a boy and would ride my bike in a less than 150 foot loop around our tiny island, I would snatch a sprig or two of parsley as it stuck out the open front of the greenhouse on my way by. Even now, I like to eat parsley Au-natural - and my wife still gives me the look as I munch down on my restaurant garnish to complete my meal. "What?" I always say. "Parsley is good."
     It's been about three and a half months since Mom died and I miss her. I still miss my Dad too, but I live with the knowledge that Mom's spirit body lives on and that she has now joined my father in their next adventures together. One day, hopefully not that soon, it will be my turn to pass though the veil of death and join the billions of spirits who have gone before me, but for now, I yet live and can yet hope to make a positive difference to this world that I love.

How Does A Pornography Addiction Begin?

For many, life in our modern world is tough - for reasons that perhaps none of our distant ancestors never anticipated. I'm speaking of the rampant problem in our world with pornography. Collins English Dictionary defines pornography as
1. "writings, pictures, films, etc, designed to stimulate sexual excitement"
2 "the production of such material"
 My well used 1980 edition of Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary says that pornography is:
1. "the depiction of erotic behaviour (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement
2. "material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement.
(It's interesting - and a little disturbing to note that a more modern definition, by the Oxford Dictionary, claims pornography to be only "printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.")

This week, my Aunt forwarded a post to me that addressed the question, "How Does A Pornography Addiction Begin?" The author, Rick Thomas, discusses this issue in his article, "5 Sure-Fire Ways to Motivate Your Child to Use Pornography".

Here are the high points of his article: (Link to the entire article) (The following excerpts - from here to the end of this post, are all quotes by Rick Thomas.)

"Before I get into five sure-fire ways to motivate your child to use pornography, let me establish two important points. The first is no parent wants their child to become involved in pornography. We all can agree on this.

The problem for many of us is we do not understand the insidious allurement of pornography and how our behavior, though unintentional, can help shape a child to crave something which can lead him into a lifetime of slavery.


Pornography is first and foremost about the theater of the mind, where the young male can enter into his virtual world and be king for a day or in this case, king for a few minutes as he satiates his mind with the risk-free intrigue of the cyber conquest. Porn is a secret world all of the time. Porn resides in the heart. It is lust, which feeds itself while in the darkness of a person’s mind.

This makes what we do as parents all the more important because the mind of the child is not altogether discernible. The seeds of lust can be planted in the mind of a child many years before he is old enough to act out on what has been growing inside his heart.
It can take years for all these sinful events to transpire. In most cases the allurement and enticement of the porn addict began in the theater of his mind while he was a child. This has been a consistent pattern I have seen in counseling. You will see in my five sure-fire ways to motivate your child to use pornography how any child can be in porn training without the child or the parents knowing how he was wrongly shaped.

1. Non-Romantic Marriage

 Porn Training: Only certain kinds of women are porn-worthy.
The Christian home should be a sexual home. God said sex was good and His first couple were not ashamed about their unique sexualities. It was only when sin entered their world that people became giggly about sex and sexuality. One of the biggest unintended consequences of the non-romantic marriage is how it communicates certain people are not porn-worthy.

Before your mouth completely hits the floor, let me explain.
A major characteristic of the porn-trained mind is how some people are worthy to be lusted after and others are not worthy. There is no question about what kind of woman is porn-worthy. There is not a woman in America who does not know this, which is why many of them obsess over how they look, how much they weigh, what they wear, and the horror of growing old.

Though they would not say it the way I have stated it—as being porn-worthy—many of them want to be worthy of their husband’s attention. They want to be desired. While this is not all bad, it can be deadly, especially in a marriage where she is not desired. A husband who will not romantically pursue his wife is sending a message to his children about how she is not worthy of being pursued. She does not fit the criteria. She is not attractive enough to be pursued.

2. Instant gratification

Porn Training: Cyber women are downloadable and extinguishable.
The spoiled child who is given everything he wants is a perfect candidate for porn training.

When children run the home by easily persuading their parents to give them the desires of their heart, then there is nothing to stop the child from getting into porn if the opportunity arises. And the opportunity will arise.

• The spoiled child gets what he wants when he wants it with no regard for right or wrong.
• The porn addict gets what he wants when he wants it with no regard for right or wrong.

Instant gratification in a child breeds instant gratification in adults. 

3. Non-Communicative Couples

Porn Training: Married couples communicate less and less, a requirement for porn enjoyment.
One of the common complaints I hear from couples in marriage counseling is the couple’s lack of communication. They hardly talk to each other. If they do talk, it’s usually about family events, mutual transactions, and marital business.

This is a perfect setup for the porn trainee because viewing porn has nothing to do with verbal communication. Porn is about visually enjoying women in order to feed the mind. Who needs to talk? The heart of porn use is privatized self-centeredness.

 The children of non-communicative parents are trained in the de-valuing of words, but it’s more than this. It’s the devaluing of the opposite sex. A man who does not talk to his wife is sending a loud message—she is not worthy of his words.

Husbands, your children need to see the value you give your wife by giving her some of your best words throughout your day. I’m not talking about words which satisfy the family schedule or the financial budget. I’m talking about words which build up, cherish, nourish, and adore your wife. Show the value you place on the woman you married. Let her be exalted in the minds of your children.

4. No Consequences for Actions

Porn Training: Teaches a false confidence through a risk-free relationship.
Along with the spoiled child mentioned above, there is a parallel parental action to giving the kid whatever he desires. This is the parent who teaches little to no consequences for his actions. A child who does not have to pay for what he has done wrong will learn how to get away with anything.
This, too, is a major characteristic of a porn addiction. It gives the addict a false confidence in a risk-free virtual environment.

Children must have a comprehensive view of love, which means they must be appropriately disciplined when they do wrong. The spoiled child who suffers little consequences in life will have a low regard for rules and authority.

Porn has no rules and low risk. It doesn’t take much to enter the porn world. It’s not like robbing a bank, which makes porn’s allurement all the more appealing. A child who knows he can get away with things is easy prey for the tentacles of pornography.

5. Critical Community in the Home

Porn Training: Criticism and anger are the most common ways we devalue others.
Is your home a critical community? If you were to assess your home, would you determine there is more encouragement, praise, affirmation, and love or is there more frustration, impatience, criticalness, and self-centeredness?

The porn world is a refuge where people go to escape the realities of their lives. It’s a risk-free haven where the addict can be in control, while satisfying his weary mind. There is no place which will affect his mind more than what goes on in his home. Even the church cannot accomplish what the home can accomplish, good or bad.

If the home is not a refuge of encouragement, your child will be tempted to find refuge in other places. Porn is one of the easiest places for him to get lost in the moment. It gives him a satisfying power which he does not experience in his real world. He can go into his momentary addiction and seize the moment with no fear whatsoever of being condemned, judged, criticized, or disappointed.

Conclusion: 
Porn training does not happen by volition. It happens by default if the parents are not attuned to the kind of home they have created. Kids are responders and they will respond to what the parent is providing them. The question now becomes, what are we exporting to our children? We’re all exporting something.

Rememberance Day / Vetran's Day

Here is a great photo that reminded me of the poppies in Flanders fields and the price paid by those who fought for freedom. I hope freedom keeps on winning out. Thank you to all who push for peace, harmony, equality and kindness. It does me good to remember that a mighty waterfall is made up of individual droplets of rain that arrived on the face of the earth one at a time. Even the smallest of effort is meaningful - both for or against, so let's keep up the good work that so many others have begun, furthered and sustain!

My 29th Wedding Anniversary Remebered

It is with great fondness and joy that I recall that fine summer's day when I married Diana, the red haired girl of my dreams. Even though it’s been 29 years, the scene seems like only yesterday. Since that wonderful, life changing moment in 1982, my life has not gone according to plan, but overall, it has gone pretty well. Sure, I’ve had ups and downs both great and small, but through it all, Diana has been there – an anchor in a hurricane, a Popsicle on a hot day, a voice of reason when I was unreasonable, a sweet and delightful companion in both sickness and in health, a friend always. Yes, I'm still in love! Marrying Diana was the best thing I've ever done and I'm often amazed that as a naive 22 year old I chose so wisely. If I hadn't had God's help in the choice, my life would be not nearly so nice!

The hopeless romantic in me recalls the words of a favourite song. It's by Jud Strunk and was written and released in 1973. Sadly, Jud died nearly a year before Diana and I married but I appreciate what he left behind. The song is called “Daisy A Day”.

Daisy A Day
By Jud Strunk

He remembers the first time he met ‘er
He remembers the first thing she said
He remembers the first time he held her
And the night that she came to his bed
He remembers her sweet way of singin’
Honey has somethin’ gone wrong
He remembers the fun and the teasin’
And the reason he wrote ‘er this song

CHORUS
I’ll give you a daisy a day dear
I’ll give you a daisy a day
I’ll love you until the rivers run still
And the four winds we know blow away

They would walk down the street in the evenin’
And for years I would see them go by
And their love that was more than the clothes that they wore
Could be seen in the gleam of their eye
As a kid they would take me for candy
And I loved to go taggin’ along
We’d hold hands while we walked to the corner
And the old man would sing ‘er his song

CHORUS

Now he walks down the street in the evenin’
And he stops by the old candy store
And I somehow believe he’s believin’
He’s holdin’ ‘er hand like before
For he feels all her love walkin’ with him
And he smiles at the things she might say
Then the old man walks up to the hilltop
And gives her a daisy a day

CHORUS

Jud Strunk performing “Daisy a Day” live on stage
Jud Strunk - wikipedia article

Davis L. Bigelow's Writing Tips

Writing Tips

Over the course of many years, I have read and analyzed a lot of different writing styles. I think that if you, as a writer, are happy with the words on your paper then your words are probably good enough and your style is probably good enough too. Being overly critical can stifle creativity, and honestly, I’ve seen some rough writing that was sculpted in such a way that the roughness worked in sweet harmony to produce what I thought was a great result. I recommend that you just write and then think about your writing later. In school, not every English teacher I had liked my style, but that was an expression of their personal notion of what they thought my style should be. I have found that one style does not fit all readers. Opinions are usually free – even educated and credentialed opinions, and sometimes they are worth that price and not a penny more. If you are a creator of sentences, lines and prose, then you have the right to decide what words live or die in your original work. Rules in writing are nice, and often helpful, but they are only guidelines.

As for me, I began earnest writing in 2001. I completed grade 11 English in high school and winged it from there on. During that final semester of school, I took an English placement test and made it into the 98th percentile of all 12th grade students in the province of British Columbia, Canada. I’ve done more than OK. Since 2003, I have authored two books - one autobiography and one adventure novel, with a second adventure novel in the works. As I wrote, my style slowly changed into something I was happy with.

Here are some things that work for me:
 

1. When I read, I pay attention to the writer’s style. Do I like or dislike the writing style? Could the style improve? How? Do I like the style enough to try my own version of it?
2. When I hear awesome words, I write them down & try to use them in my writing.
3. When I think of or hear cool names, I write them down. I think that character and place names can make or break a story.
4. When I think of good story lines or complete plots, I write them down. Sometimes I dream good stories & sometimes I think of plots out of the blue. The important thing I do is to write my thoughts when they're fresh because if I don’t I only can remember that I had a good idea – but what was it?.
5. Another thing I do is to consider the styles of other writers, but when I write my own stuff, I just do what feels right to me. After the words are written, then I go back and edit and hopefully improve the flow of the work.
6. I write nearly every day, but sometimes it is just in my journal.
7. Often, I have only five or ten minutes to work, but I write anyway. I carry my net book with me as often as is practical, but sometimes I use my I-Pod and email my files to myself.
8. When I edit, I always read out loud to myself. Using this technique, I tend to catch 99% of grammatical errors on my first edit. I find that "grammar check" doesn't always know how to write. (I use MS Word. I find its grammar/spell check is mostly accurate, but not always.)
9. On my second edit, I look at the flow. How long are my sentences? Are they all the same length? How long are my paragraphs? Does each paragraph convey one complete thought? Long paragraphs tend to slow the story, so I try to ensure that the paragraph and sentence lengths match my intended flow pattern.
10. On my third edit, I look at my characters. If the story is long, I try to edit the entire manuscript all the way through - one time for each main character and look to see that their voice is consistent with their personality from the beginning to the end.
11. On all my edits, I listen for words that don't flow smoothly together - unless I want the words to sound rough for effect. I also look for words that are used too often and find appropriate synonyms to replace them. I pay attention to the mood the work is conveying and adjust as needed. Finally, in my latest writing, I use an outline and build my stories from that framework. I never used to do this, but recently have found it quite useful – especially in light of the fact that I often write for just a few minutes at a time with major interruptions between times. I find an outline helps me get back to the story faster.

O Canada! July 1, 2011 marks 144 years!

In my fast paced life I appreciate taking time to pause to consider my well nourished roots. I was born in Canada - quite probably the most war free country in the world, and I am grateful for the peace and safety I enjoy living here. I suppose there will always be those immature and socially dysfunctional folks who try to give a country a bad name (like the demonstrators who recently threw violent temper tantrums following the
Vancouver Canucks' loss in the last game of the Stanly Cup final with Boston), yet most of us who call Canada our home make an honest effort to be good citizens. Along with England, France and Germany (and perhaps there are more countries that should be in this list), Canada is and has been a very immigration friendly destination in the global village. It has been said that "Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery" (John Paar), and I tend to agree. Before the global economic downturn, Canada was right up there in the top two or three best counties to live in, but today, Canada stands alone at the top. We enjoy the best standard of living in the world, the most stable economy, and I think we also enjoy the lowest crime and murder rates. And at least some of our politicians are honest! Throughout the world, nearly everywhere Canadians travel, they are welcomed as friends. One can walk downtown in Toronto or Vancouver (without getting mugged) and hear a myriad of different languages - within just a few minutes. In fact, even among the people I see and speak with here in rural Alberta, at least ten different languages are represented. Canada is truly the ultimate melting pot for the whole world. Canada is where friends live with friends. Canada is an awesome place to live!

Here is our national anthem, "O Canada" (all the verses of the song).

"O Canada! our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide, O Canada,
We stand on guard for thee.

O Canada! Where pines and maples grow.
Great prairies spread and lordly rivers flow.
How dear to us thy broad domain,
From East to Western Sea,
Thou land of hope for all who toil!
Thou True North, strong and free!

O Canada! Beneath thy shining skies
May stalwart sons and gentle maidens rise,
To keep thee steadfast through the years
From East to Western Sea,
Our own beloved native land!
Our True North, strong and free!

Ruler supreme, who hearest humble prayer,
Hold our dominion within thy loving care;
Help us to find, O God, in thee
A lasting, rich reward,
As waiting for the Better Day,
We ever stand on guard.

Refrain
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. (by Stanley Weir - with slight changes)

Happy 144th birthday Canada!!!

For more info on our national anthem and Canadian heritage.

My Father, Lyle Dean Bigelow – The Leader of the Band

Father's Day Tribute - To My Dad

I’m grateful that I remember my Dad. Sadly, that’s more than some can say about their own fathers. On August 2nd, 1995, at the end of 69 years of life, my father passed away peacefully, leaving my mother and six children to go on with life. I was 35 years of age at the time and felt much too young to be advanced to the front line of our family’s male generation, but there I was anyway, reluctant and feeling old before my time. It’s been sixteen years since that sad summer day, and I still miss my father.

I recently visited Dad’s grave, located in Cardston, Alberta, and spent a few quiet minutes contemplating the life of a man who, thou human, gave me life and raised me the best he knew how to. When Dad was three years old, his mother died in childbirth. When he was nine, his father died in an accident. Dad’s childhood and subsequent youth were filled with turmoil and an abundance of uncertainty. My father’s early life was a bumpy ride, and Dad bore those early scars for all his life. Some of those scars made him weak and other scars made him strong and wise. Considering Dad’s rocky early years, not to mention his ongoing poor health, I’m proud that he made as much of himself as he did. I’m not sure I would have done so well. Dad sacrificed for us children. Dad tried hard to set a good example to us. I’m grateful that he was as good a father as he was to me and my five sisters. And as the years passed, just like most fathers, he got better at being a Dad.

In July of 1957, because of his poor health, Dad took my mother and three older sisters to the lights on the rugged and remote wet, west coast of Canada and became a lighthouse keeper. Little did my parents appreciate how their move would affect their posterity. By the time I was born in 1960, my family was living on their third lighthouse, a tiny, oblong dot of land called Pointer Island. Their move to Pointer Island Light in 1958 would be my parent’s last move until Dad retired in 1984 - and by then I was grown up, moved away and married.

As I stood by my father’s grave, I shed tears of sadness and tears of joy. I smiled as I remembered the story Dad often related about his birth – how the doctor had told his mother that she shouldn’t get attached to him because he wasn’t going to live long. Dad had greatly outlived both his parents as well as the doctor’s expectations. After 69 years of dodging death, Dad now lay at rest in the family plot – and I was left to continue on his legacy... The chorus of a famous 1981 song came to mind – a song written by Dan Fogelberg, called “Leader of the Band”.

“The leader of the band is tired
and his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
and his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt
to imitate the man
I'm just the living legacy
to the leader of the band.”

More tears flowed. Dad hadn’t been perfect in life, yet he had tried – and over time, as I watched the years flow by, Dad became more and more the man he wanted to be. “I’ve seen the light... Have you?” Dad’s oft spoken words sounded again in my mind, accompanied by my memory of Dad’s easy smile, but this time I finally answered the question. “Yes Dad. I think I have finally seen the light. I think that getting life right is about making sustained efforts to improve myself over time – lots of time. I’m not sure I’m as far along as you were at my age, but I will keep on trying – I’ll keep struggling forward. And because I saw you succeed, maybe I can too. Thanks Dad! Thanks for being the leader of our band!”
:)
 P.S. The six seagulls soaring in the beams of the light shining from the skeleton tower on Pointer Island represent me and each of my five sisters. My older sister, Sharon, drew the sketch for Dad's fittingly unique headstone.

Dan Fogelberg in Wikipedia
Dan's live, 1982 performance of "Leader of the Band" on youtube.

The Four Tests Of Life

I'm a thinker (and that's not an apology), and in this weeks post I want to drip a few more drops of ink from my overactive mind. I hope you will find my thoughts interesting - and perhaps even personally beneficial.

In considering life, its meaning and its progression from birth to death, I believe that each of us will be forced to take a stand, from time to time, on some jugular issues. I don't mean superficial stuff like the house we want to buy and live in or the clothes we wear (although those things may have great impact on us), but I am thinking deeper. I am thinking about the way we each approach and deal with life and its vicissitudes.

We all make decisions, some tough and some easy, but I believe that some of the decisions we make are like the oxygen we breath - if we are to live, we are forced to make them. For example, I walk down the street and see a fat wallet laying right in front of me on the sidewalk. Am I surprised? Yes. Am I forced to make a decision? Yes. At that moment, I have power over that wallet. It may contain a large amount of cash or some other valuable commodity. What do I do? Do I pick the wallet up? Do I steal what I find? Do I turn it in to some authority? Do I walk past the wallet and leave it behind me? No matter what else happens, I am forced to decide something. The only way I would not have to make a decision is if I had not seen the wallet - but it's too late for that now. Because I was there at that moment in time, I'm forced into making a quick decision in regard to that wallet.

Now this principle of forced decision making is probaboly not new to any of you. It seems that I live in a stream of continual confrontation with the opportunity to decide. I hear a joke, I see the cover of a magazine, I stub my toe, I get a paycheck with lots of overtime paid out, I am put in charge of someone - the stream of life never stops washing over me and I expect it never stops washing over you either. The stream just keeps flowing and I am left with only one option - to make numerous quick decisions - whether I want to make them or not.

So, you may be wondering... what are the four tests of life? Well, I will tell you what I believe they are. As I have pondered the seemingly endless stream of forced decisions, I believe that every ultimately significant decision can be categorized into one of four groups: money, power, pain and sex. I believe that the real tests of life are how we personally handle the forced decisions within those four groups - especially the forced quick decisions.

I may not be rich, but I do have enough money to live. I may only have power over ants and mice, but I still have power. I may not feel pain at this moment, but I will eventually confront physical or emotional pain. I may wish that I hadn't notice well photographed cleavage on a magazine cover in a store checkout line, but I am now forced to decide to either stare or look away. And I believe that the sum total of how I handle money, power, pain and sex will determine, yes, determine who I really am today and who I will be tomorrow. How I do in making my forced quick decisions tells me how I'm doing today. My carefully planned decisions are much easier to get right, but the real me shows true character when I make quick decisions that are forced upon me without warning. If I am to find and fix weakness in my character, I must examine the moments when I am at my worst. I find this painful, but I believe that I deserve to do better, therefore I must take a hard look and ask myself the hard questions. How am I doing with money, with power, with pain, with sex? And since I deserve to succeed in life, what can I do differently so I can succeed?

I believe that we are all created equal in importance and that we all deserve to succeed in life - but not at the expense of others. I believe that we all have challenges, but I also believe that we all have the power to choose positive responses to whatever comes our way. I believe that none of us can get it right all the time, but I believe that practice makes perfect, so hang in there and get up each time you fall. I hope I do well, and I hope you do too! To quote Andre the Giant from the movie The Princess Bride, "I hope we win!"

Small Stuff - 1440 Little Things Each & Every Day

What do you think? I bet you have an opinion. Some say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. Others say, “Everything is small stuff.” Well, I agree and I disagree – all depending on how I look at the definition of small stuff. Today, I’d like to talk about ‘time’ – you know, the small stuff that prevents one thing after another from becoming everything all at once.

Let’s first consider the math and then we’ll move on to more pleasant considerations (unless of course you're a math aficionado and then this is a bonus situation of desert first).

In every 24 hours, there are 1440 minutes. That sounds like a lot, but for me, those daily increments can go by very quickly or very slowly. For example, I can hold my breath for well over two minutes, but each minute passes by pretty slowly! Without my accustomed steady supply of oxygen, two minutes seems like an eternity! And how about when I’m sleeping? Eight hours (480 minutes) seem to pass by in less time than it took me to hold my breath without passing out. This phenomenon of time distortion has always fascinated me – and sometimes scared me. In my short life, all 26,928,000 minutes of it – give or take, I have been both efficient in my use of time and wasteful.

In spite of my seemingly endless supply of minutes, I really ought to consider the reality that my minutes have a finite limit – I only have so many minutes allotted to me before my mortal life concludes. The thought might seem a little morbid, but if I’m to get done what I want to get done in life, then I need a plan that fits my parameters – or at least considers those parameters. So... since I don’t have any inside information about the exact number of minutes I have allotted to me, I seem to have only one of two choices. I either live each minute without regard or notice of its passage, or I pay attention and try to maximise the efficiency of each one of those minutes.

Even though any given minute may be my last one in mortality, should I be fearful? I think not. I think that I should embrace and employ and enjoy each minute that I get. Do I always do that? Sadly, no, but I believe that awareness is the first step to creating good habits. My future is going to happen no matter what I do, so I might as well try to push it in a desired direction.

Here is a personal example... About a decade ago, I began writing my book, “Three Seconds On, Three Seconds Off” – my book about growing up on the lighthouse. I was working full time and after work I built up my home-based photography business – as well as fulfilled all my obligations with my growing family. I had no time to write – or so I thought. Then something great happened. I got a Palm Pilot and a compact, folding keyboard. I began pulling the system out on my breaks at work and typing while I ate and rested. In the four years I did that, I wrote over 80,000 words – mostly about 4, 5 or 6 minutes at a time. Occasionally, on my 30 minute lunch breaks, I’d get in over twenty minutes of writing, but not always. What did I learn? I learned an important lesson about using time. I learned that if I did a little bit of writing when I could, that my writing would add up to a lot – eventually. So, what did I do? I took that Palm Pilot & keyboard everywhere. If I had to wait to see the doctor, I wrote. If I had to wait in the car, I wrote. I didn’t read unimportant stuff just to pass the time. I did spend time pondering and thinking – because I found those things important to a balanced life, but I looked for small windows of opportunity and appropriately seized them. I learned that some minutes needed to be sacrificed in order to help other people and that I should not scar my important relationships with the tip of my pen (so to speak). I learned that some minutes, however, were ‘fair game’ and those minutes were mine to gainfully employ as my obedient servants in the pursuit of my creative writing.

Today, I use my small laptop – a Samsung N210 Netbook, to get my words in order. It’s not quite as portable as was my Palm Pilot, but I can input a whole lot more words in a document than I could in the old days – and it has spell check! Today, my battery lasts longer and my data is easier to move around. I just plug in a flash drive to back up my precious files and I can easily transfer data to my archive. I enjoy the onboard thesaurus and the much bigger screen. I can even upload posts to my blog from this nice little computer. All in all, I still try to write whenever I have a few free minutes. And when my computer is not handy, and I have a creative surge, I use a paper, a Post-it note or even a dry erase board (old fashioned I know, but they work in a pinch).

How about you? What do you do to maximize your precious minutes?
 
I invite you to visit Stephen Covey.com for lots more time management inspiration.You can even join up and send me a friend request. Have fun!!

Consequences - A Moral Dilemma!

Consequences - A Moral Dilemma!

I seems that one of my biggest challenges in life has been to accept the fact that when I pick up one end of a stick, I also pick up the other. When I jump off the diving board, no matter how high I spring into the air, I’m always going to fall and I really hope I planned ahead and made certain that there was water in the pool. Sometimes, I look ahead and make choices based on getting their projected consequences – consequences I want. I lock my car so my stuff will remain inside. I tie my hiking boots correctly and confidently expect my laces to remain secure until I untie them (and they have always stayed ties up for me). In spite of the fact however, that over the years I have made several very valiant attempts to alter the consequences of my actions, I have always been unsuccessful. 100% of the time. Perhaps it’s a good thing? Perhaps being able to accurately predict and count on a particular outcome is a wonderful thing? Why then do I sometimes want to manufacture inconsistent outcomes – inconsistent consequences?

I should be able to get what I want – right? At first glance, getting what I want sounds to me like the embodiment of the “Canadian Dream” (Of course, in the USA, it’s called the “American Dream”). After all, don’t I believe that I should have freedom? Who is it out there in this big old world that has the right to deny me of my personal right to get whatever I want in life – and out of life? Why do consequences often block my personal pursuit of happiness? Why can’t I just do what I want and have it be OK with everyone?

I have pondered these questions, as perhaps you too have pondered them. I find the questions to be intriguing. And I sometimes find them to be much more complicated than I’d like them to be.

A great many years ago, my associate Wade B. and I were discussing consequences, personal choice and religion. (A brain-full to say the least!) At the time, I was only 20 years old and Wade was 21, but we had a mature, adult moment that seemed to go beyond the wisdom of our young years. Wade and I talked about how all religions, when considered in combination, promoted a vast variety of beliefs – some the same, some only similar and some very different. We considered how some people felt that religion was restrictive, mind numbing and even claustrophobic. Some people seemed to be saying, “We want to keep on doing whatever we want - but we want to be able to get different consequences”.

Wade expressed concerned discouragement over the fact that there seemed to be an undercurrent, in some members of society around us, of opting out of formal religion and following their own personal belief systems – a personal, informal religious affiliation of one if you will. I agreed. The problem I saw with this personal religious affiliation of one idea was with the practice. After all, how do I settle on an appropriate personal code of conduct if my exclusive creative force is to allow me to do whatever I want and have it be OK? Even at age 20, the notion sounded rather selfish and self serving - not to mention arrogant.

Wade and I agreed, as you may also agree, that every human being will eventually settle themselves on a personal belief system and then at least try to live by it. Wade then, in complete facetiousness, offered a funny idea, but in the thirty years that have past since I heard it, I have often thought that he was onto something quite thought provoking. Wade jokingly suggested that we start a new church that would seem to meet the needs of all the folks who wanted to do whatever they wanted to do without the associated consequences – a personal religion outside of formal religion – a personal religious affiliation of one. Wade called his make-believe religion “The Third Church of the Stillborn Again”.
“And what is it‘s doctrine?” I innocently asked.
“If it feels good do it.”
“Wow!” I said. Does this church believe in baptism? Wade grinned and said, “If it feels good do it.”
”How about repentance of sins?”
“If it feels good do it.”
“Loving your neighbour?”
Wade grinned some more and said, “If it feels good do it.”
I laughed – we laughed together, but in the years since, I have often reflected on that day – sometimes with a smile and sometimes more seriously.

As my life has progressed, I have learned to like consequences more and more. I have learned that each and every action has a predictable reaction – a natural consequence that I may or may not like. I can always count on consequence. I have learned that while I can defer the arrival of a consequence of one or more of my actions, I will eventually have to pay the piper his full due – and if I defer, the price is usually higher. I have learned that my life goes better if I stop resisting natural law and just make choices based on their consequences. This is a no-brainer for some of you, but it took me a while to get to this spot in life – and I’m still working at staying here.

And so I return to my first question, “I should be able to get what I want – right?” My answer is “Yes!” - but I must make the choices that will ensure I arrive at my wanted destination. I have to base my focus on the results I want, not on whether something feels good at the time, or whether something is convenient, or whether taking the course of least resistance beckons to me with fair promises of success. Easy Street, in reality, is an overgrown dirt lane with vacant, weed-infested lots and not one liveable house in sight. If I am to get what I want, I have to think ahead. I have to plan my work and work my plan. I have to consider the complete consequence, not just the parts I like. I cannot cheat my way to a permanent positive result – no one ever has and I personally think that no one ever will (except on television - of course). A temporary high sounds more like an addiction than lasting happiness – you know, live for today and who cares about tomorrow. I think that it takes work to be happy – no surprise for some of you, but it was for me.

And here’s one final thought from the peanut gallery… I smiled a few days ago when I heard a friend’s definition of insanity – “Insanity is to keep on doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.”

Now all I have to do is live by this wisdom!!! I will try, but it might be a while before I get my life to work as perfectly as my faithful bootlaces.

Siamese Twins, World Peace & Homosexuality - The Davis Bigelow Test

Siamese Twins, World Peace & Homosexuality

Last week, I talked about world peace and offered my thoughts on how we can achieve it. In last Saturday’s post I said, “I think that tolerating and even encouraging reasonable differences in others are the twin keys to world peace.” I feel that these two keys are like Siamese twins that cannot be separated without the result being death. I believe that when world peace is finally achieved (and yes I think it will be one day) that it will be the collective and simultaneous embracing of the principles of tolerance and respect that will make it happen.

Last week, I also promised to tell you all how I think we can accurately determine what behaviours in others are reasonable, and should be tolerated and encouraged. The test I am about to propose is a two edged sword that cuts both ways. The test not only cuts through the rhetoric and emotion and personal preference and past tradition to reveal what behaviour is good and what behaviours should be encouraged, but it also clearly highlights behaviours that are not good and what behaviours should be discouraged. Are you ready to hear the Davis Bigelow Test? It is really quite simple and works best when applied to the jugular issues of life - especially moral and ethical issues.

Here is my theory: Take a particular behaviour – any behaviour, and by imagination, apply that behaviour (action or inaction) to every person in a society who is of the appropriate age to be included in the hypothetical test. (For example: 1st Grade education to 100% of all normal 6 year olds, or Marriage of 100% of all normal adult men to 100% of all normal adult women of similar age, or Homosexual relationships for all 100% of all normal adult men, etc, etc.) Then, in your imagination, project the result of the behaviour if 100% of the study group did it – or didn’t do it. Then, ask the tough, open-minded question. “Are the results positive or negative?” If the results are positive, then that behaviour should be encouraged and enhanced and incorporated. If negative, then the behaviour should be discouraged and quickly gotten rid of. It seems that the entire debate over what is right & wrong could easily be solved with this technique. What would happen if 100% of adults never told the truth? Or how about if 100% of all drivers displayed road rage? Or what would happen if 100% of all adults played video games for eight hours for each and every day? The list of behaviours that can be plugged into this test is vast, but each imaginer must follow some basic rules: 
 
1. The projected result must not be influenced by a personal opinion.
 
2. The projected result must be founded in fact and ideally should be based on actual, available data. (There are thousands of empirical studies to choose from.)
 
3. Some behaviours, such as, “Which side should we part our hair on?” (at least for those of you who have hair), are not significant enough to matter and should not be plugged into the Davis Bigelow Test. The categories of questions that will trigger the best responses from the Davis Bigelow Test are very toughest questions of religion, morality, sexuality, honesty, etc.

Let’s take the traditional marriage/gay marriage debate as an example. If 100% of all who wanted to marry, engaged in traditional marriage, what would be the result? How about if all we had was gay marriage – for 100% of all adults who wanted to marry? What would happen in either scenario? Would society benefit or not? The questions are not, “Would I benefit?” or “Will the result be what I personally want?” When I ask these last two questions, and I’m going to be blunt about it – I am showing my yellow belly of selfishness. I do not live alone; therefore, every choice I make in public or in private makes some difference to society, either large or small, and therefore all my choices are the business of everyone else. I have an obligation to tolerate and to give willing respect to others. And I have the right to be tolerated and respected by others. How about world peace? I think the 60’s song got it right, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me!”

Sounds like the ultimate extreme adventure to me – and you know how I feel about adventure!

World Peace, Gay Marriage and Every Other Tough Issue

World Peace, Gay Marriage and Every Other Tough Issue

In a previous blog post, I promised that I would soon take a leap into controversy. And here I am. Not only am I making good on my promise but I’m diving right into a very volatile area of current affairs. This week, come with me while I begin to take a hard look at world peace, gay marriage, straight marriage and so much more.

The fact that I haven’t brought controversy to my past blog posts is not because I don’t feel strongly about things. I do feel very strongly about a great many issues. Religion, morality, ethnicity, sexuality, music and greed all sit more or less at the top of my list of most-opinionated-subjects.

If Davis Bigelow is anything, he is a man who’s not afraid to speak up. What I am afraid of is speaking up before I consider my words. My parents used to tell me, “Davis, first put mind into gear before putting mouth into motion!” Good advice! So in all fairness to my candid, open mouthed lifestyle, I should tell you that in the past I have offered several opinionated comments on the posts of a few others out there on the World Wide Web. I hope my past comments have not offended anyone. I hope that this blog post is equally inoffensive.

So let’s get right to it shall we? How do we have world peace?

I think that tolerating and even encouraging reasonable differences in others are the twin keys to world peace. Tolerance and respect seem to be absent from any war I have studied. I’ve never seem contention and tolerance together in peaceful coexistence. Have you? Now, as you may have already noted, there’s also the matter of reasonable differences that I think should be tolerated and even encouraged. Who, you may ask, defines what “differences are reasonable”? Well, I have an opinion on that too – and I’ll post my opinion next Saturday morning. I have spent the past 25 years or more using a failure proof test whereby any open minded adult in possession of their full faculties can determine, yes, determine the appropriateness of a particular behaviour. Any guesses as to what the simple test is? (You have a week to guess before I spill it – and the April 2nd post is already uploaded and scheduled.)

See you next weekend!

Something Profound This Way Comes

Something profound has happened in my soul. Perhaps my recent lack of outdoor adventure has made me long for a fresh connection to the miraculous world I live in. Perhaps I’m just getting sentimental in my old age (not that I’m all that old though)? Perhaps I’m just more sensitive than I used to be? Perhaps the recent disruption of my income has heightened my sense of the potential frailties and seemingly endless possibilities of life? Perhaps I’ve more fully noticed the finite certainty of mortality and the fact that my time here is limited? Perhaps I’m finally mature enough to honestly acknowledge that life is hard for everyone – even if I don’t know about the hardships and struggles of others. Perhaps it’s the fact that yesterday was the remembered birthday of my wife’s mother, now passed on? Perhaps I just haven’t encountered a really big miracle for a while? Or perhaps it’s that fact that I’m a day’s drive away from the most exciting bit of action in our family? Whatever the reasons however, I’ve spent the past 12 hours in emotional awe. In the past 12 hours, I’ve laughed and I’ve cried and I’ve earnestly prayed. I’ve been washed over by warm waves gratitude. Last night I even awoke from a sound sleep and found myself smiling at the fresh news. Truly, life is a gift! Life is precious! Life is a celebration! Life is a sweet miracle that I’ve taken for granted way too many times!

What has happened? Well I will tell you. After weeks of coping with a slow leak of amniotic fluid, after one lengthy air ambulance ride, after weeks of hospital bed rest, after plenty of prayers and worry and boredom, and finally, after 35hours and 45 minutes of actually trying to have a baby, last night, by caesarean section, my youngest daughter gave birth to her first daughter. A healthy, black- haired beauty, Airyanna Ellissa Marie immediately claimed her father’s heart and took over mine shortly thereafter (and I haven’t even seen her yet). Last night, as I awaited the news, I was reminded of my own delivery room vigil for each of my four children. I recalled my own overwhelming joy as my three daughters and one son drew their first breaths and claimed my heart and then claimed the hearts of the rest of the family. I remembered my own worry for the life of my sweet wife and the joy I felt when she was finally out of danger. I felt anew my sense of profound appreciation for my wife’s sacrifices in bring our children into this world. In years, now long past, it was my privilege to witness the miracle of birth, and last night it was my son-in-law’s turn. When he phoned to give us the news, I heard it in his voice – his life had been forever changed. He was a father. He had a healthy daughter and a recovering wife! He too had seen the miracle of birth. Life was great - even though it had been stressful and exhausting only minutes before!

And so I have one thing left to say... Welcome to our family little Airyanna! I can’t wait to meet you! Thank you for reminding me of how precious life really is!